truth hurts

after learning about all these diseases- Diabetes, Hypertension, Atherosclerosis- i can't help but be scared. learning about them makes me realize that their consequences are dire, that they're much bigger than my dad and mom themselves. they're scary. they're silent killers. and yet my parents are living each and every day so nonchalant about their health, so unknowing and oblivious to the facts, to the truth. i tried to explain to them during our car ride back from dinner that they have to start taking care of themselves, that they can no longer go on being so carefree, that these diseases will in fact take control of their lives. but i always get the same response. the same cold silence from my dad and the "i know" from my mom. they don't understand. they don't have a clue about what their bodies are going through. that each day brings them closer to a potential heart attack or stroke. and it scares me so much. a part of me wishes i never learned about the side effects of hypertension or diabetes, but a part of me wants to learn even more so that i can have a chance to take matters into my own hands, because if i don't, who will?

i constantly ask God for the health of my family. because i know that they're wasting away. and i want them to be around when i have children. i want them to see them grow, and i want them to have a big influence and hold a large part in my family's life. it makes me so sad to envision my future without them. everyone around me is losing their loved ones to car accidents, to heart attacks, to suicides. i honestly don't know what i would do without them in my life. i just want to shake my dad to his senses since he's the most stubborn. i want to just say "appa i do this because i love you, not because i want to hurt you. i do it because i care." i know he hates hearing me lecture him.. a 20 year old, his own baby, telling him to exercise and to take medicine. he's supposed to be the strong one he thinks. he's supposed to never be sick or never succumb to his high blood pressure or diabetes. he thinks. but this time his thoughts won't win.

this is such a depressing entry, but i need to take a break and vent.. about stupid diseases. since they won't listen, i know you will.