no fear in love

lately i feel God challenging me to love my brothers and sisters as i love him and more than i love myself. it's such a daunting task in my mind.. just because of the fact that i've held on to many grudges.. but i know that part of loving God is loving his sons and daughters. which is why i've resolved to make amends- in due time. i need preparation though.. i don't think i'm strong enough to do it on my own. but i know if i ask, God will carry me through it. through prayer and petition God will hear me and prepare my heart. ahhh! it's a scary thought. but i know that i'll feel so much more at ease when it's done. one passage that really struck me was 1 John 4:19-21 when apostle John says:

"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

when i came across that verse, i was taken aback and the weirdest feeling of dread overtook my whole body. i felt so burdened and heartbroken to think it was true. Am i a truly a liar because i may have trouble loving others? Do i fail to love God because i fail to love my neighbors? It was like God instilled in my heart the sorrow he was feeling because of my inability to love like he commanded.. and i've never felt so burdened. after reading that, i took some time to pray and resolved to reconcile with 2 people whose relationships i've been pushing to the back of my head as if they never existed. but God knows. i can't hide from it any more and i don't think i want to.. because i do love Him. and i don't want to be seen as a liar in his eyes.. sigh!

i shouldn't be scared.. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... the one who fears is not made perfect in love" 1 John 4: 18. i know im far from perfect and so maybe so is my love, but through Him i strive to be. i know i should try to emulate Christ in the things i think and the things i do, but in this world it's so hard.. and as a flawed being it's even harder. but hopefully my love for God and my desire to make him happy will drive out my fear and banish my selfishness. and when i do, i know God will reward me in full. :) if he can love even the dirtiest and darkest of hearts, i can definitely love my neighbors.

love

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

<3 one of many and will never cease to amaze me