it that way- to prevent things from becoming like they are now. it's like im living my life in different segments only because i'm aging and i'm forced to grow accustomed to these new things. But no matter what, all of these segments end the same way. the same pattern seems to arise with me and i think it's definitely taking its toll on not only my patience but also my mentality. and then i push everyone away and try to escape to a different place where maybe someone might understand, but nevertheless it all accumulates to this. this is my problem. this is one thing i truly hate about myself. i'm scared to open up. it takes so long for me to find that person or that group of people to whom i can reveal my soul, my entirety to. i've witnessed so much in my past, i've experienced too many bad things that my heart is just sheltered now. it locked itself in a box and i don't even know where to find that key that might unlock it. and what if it does unlock, what kind of condition will it be in?yeah, i want to change all this. i want to be that person to take risks and chances and dive into situations no matter what the consequences. i want to be that care-free girl who lives in the moment, not analyzing or debating about every single action that may lead to her downfall in the near future. but can i change? isn't this just me? i can change my hair, my style, my friends, but can i change myself- my soul? is it unfortunate that i have to live this way, with this sort of mentality and this constant problem that haunts me everywhere i go? too many questions with no answers whatsoever.
in times like these, who can i turn to? let's rephrase that... who can i trust to guard my heart so it doesn't have to guard itself?
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