in 5, 6, or 7 years..

ughh. so strangely one of the first episodes of himym that i've ever watched got me thinking. what will i be doing in 5, 6, or hey, even 7 years? i know i think about it a lot, but lately it's been hitting me.. i'm gonna be 26 in six years. and in four years, i'll be graduated with a pharm. D (hopefully let's cross fingers and knock on wood and pray) and frantically trying to search for a job- if this bad economic pattern holds up till then. where the heck does the future husband come in? where do i meet him? do i happen to haphazardly bump into him on the streets of who knows where while going to my job? am i even supposed to look for him? ughh! all my life i've always waited for the guy. yeah yeah i know i would go through some boy-crazed phases trying to spot out the cuties on the streets/class ;] but i don't think i'd ever seriously pursue that relationship, you know, with me steering the ship. maybe it's become a habit that i wait for the person to find me.. maybe one day i got so tired of looking because maybe everything that i ever wanted disappeared, vanished with the new pretty girl in school or with a language barrier or with just the wrong puzzle piece. maybe what i really wanted didn't fit, couldn't fit no matter how many ways i placed the piece or how many different ways i looked at it. i guess that's where my lack of motivation to find the "one" comes from. but then again, doesn't God have a plan for us all? aren't our futures all mapped out because He's already predestined it? everything is meant to be, right? so maybe i am right in not looking. maybe looking just exhausts me and even further makes me lose hope. but what if time runs out? when i'm 25, or 26, or 27- 5, or 6, or even 7 years from now, what will i be doing? who will i have? will it be the way i've always envisioned my life? it's scary to think that that time will come soon. i always say that highschool passed by in a blink of an eye and so will the rest of college. yes, exactly- four more years. what's worse.. it'll pass by faster since the workload will increase (and the stress may i add). i always manage to lose track of time when i have a lot to do and days just fly by preparing for and dreading that exam date. not to mention the month long break that ends first semester and starts the second. i wonder if i'll even get to the point where i can say, hey i'm a pharmacist. will that day even come? i know i'm motivated, but sometimes i break too easily. taking that turn, where will my life end up then? there's all these different paths, windy roads, scary and challenging routes versus easy and short ones. i hate to admit that i'm afraid of the long, scary ones and that if i had a choice, i'd rather take the shorter paths. but then i know that i wouldn't exactly get the things i want or end up in the place that i want to be. it's a matter of choice, and i hope when the time comes, i make the right one. i need to learn how to live. have fun and let go while i can. it's okay to let go sometimes. (that reminds me, i really like the song let go by frou frou). i have to stop living with such restraints and limits and thoughts of consequences that may happen if i do this or that. i mean it's a safe way to live, but it's also excruciatingly exhausting for myself. where did my sense of freedom, youth, vigor go? i just hope that i'll be able to live the way i want- do and think things that make me happy- all the way to age... infinity. infinity, since the word in itself means no limits. funny how a t.v. show can get you thinking, ain't it?