i realize that i'm so weak.. and although i may think that i have so much power over my faith and my relationship with God, it doesn't work that way. Pastor Jae preached that your relationship with God is a two-way street, that once God takes you, you must equally continue to reciprocate that love and trust back to Him. and by that, i mean daily. and i realize that without prayer, there is no other way to communicate with God, thereby stalling and even weakening the relationship you have established with Him. It's so easy to just forget to pray before falling asleep or saying a quick prayer in the morning when you wake up.. time itself is sometimes such a huge challenge in every way- it limits how long you can talk with God. but i know i can't completely blame it on time-- it's myself who is also to blame. i let time take advantage of me because i don't manage it well. i let it pass and i complain so often that time flew by and that i got nothing done when instead it was my own actions that allowed that to occur. like this, i blame all the problems i'm having with God on other things when it's really me that's causing it. God's still there, reaching out for me, pursuing me and calling out to me, it's just that i've become deaf to His voice. In Matthew 13:14-15 Jesus says,
"You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them."
Like the verse says, i can only be healed if i can start hearing again- if i become undeafened by all the things that are distracting me from God. I need to be able to trust God enough to lay down all my doubts, worries, and sins down at His feet so that He can take care of it all and that way i would be free to be an able body to serve Him. it makes so much sense in that context, but ideas are so much easier heard than applied. i have to start taking responsibility of my own actions and stop blaming it on other things.. i have to stop being so selfish and be humble enough to admit to God that hey, it's my fault that i'm slipping away from You and i'm truly sorry for that. and i have to willing enough to ask, "will You pursue me?" my own selfishness even got me to think last week that i didn't need to go to prayer meeting because i didn't have anything to pray about. how selfish is that thought? that even if i don't have a specific prayer request, so many others out there do. and the least i can do is say a request on behalf of them. why do i stray so easily when i think that i won't? is it because i've been feeling comfortable of where i am and how far i've come? it's that comfort that's so dangerous.. it leads you to stray and get off track and in the midst of it, you still think you're faith is steady and perfect and that it doesn't need to change. i will pray for God to challenge me, to make me uncomfortable so that i won't be led into the same trap time and time again. maybe discomfort in some sense will help me to actually act differently and progress.
To end this post, here's a verse that seems to soothe me regardless of my anxieties and worries. It says,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment